i'm trying something new! in addition to, or perhaps instead of?, my random unsolicited advicements (not a real word), i think i will also be randomly posting some it's totally okay's which is exactly what it sounds like - me, letting you know, out of the kindness of my heart combined with my undying love for you, that it's totally okay to do certain things that you may not be so confident to do.
are you ready? it's totally okay if you're not because we just gunna go ahead anyway like right now omg here we go!
1. it's totally okay to go see your favorite band, buy one of their sickass t-shirts and then straight up wear it the next day at brunch with the girls. no need to hide it or wait for a 'cooler' time. the next morning is as cool as it gets! that show was f'n awesome, you basically had a spiritual experience, you only fucked up singing the lyrics once, LET IT BE KNOWN! it's totally okay to be genuine and earnest and enthusiastic over the things you love than to be the negi, annoying, arms-crossed, totally-over-it opposite, i promise you this.
2. it's totally okay to not respond to a text or an e-mail right away, especially one that upsets you or causes you anxiety. we think things always have to be handled immediately but word up children, they don't! you can totally sit with something, think and talk it over with other people and respond at a later time (a few hours? days? whatever's needed!) instead of react right away. omg. did i just slamdunk your world into a thousand million pieces?? (plz don't answer right away.)
3. it's totally okay to listen to the same song on repeat for days at a time! do it til your heart is ready to move on or until your roommate has a kinda really scary meltdown all like IF I HEAR THAT FUCKING SONG ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR I'M GUNNA.. whatever comes first!
and finally,
4. it's totally okay to be "that guy" sometimes! i know, i know, no one wants to be "that guy" but check it: when i was 20 i was going through an insane led zeppelin stage. at this time, i took a train ride across the country by myself. i was wearing a robert plant t-shirt, listening to zep the whole ride (3 days) while reading hammer of the gods. i was totally "that guy" but guess what? I OWNED IT and subsequently HIT IT OUT OF THE PARK. i had sex with a 30 year old LUMBERJACK from MONTANA while the train passed through the midwest. he bought me A CHICKEN FRIED STEAK. i learned MAGIC TRICKS from a dude who claimed to have a ROCKET JETPACK at home. (why was he on a train if he had a rocket jetpack? #unansweredquestions) this guitar-wielding hippie would play "ramble on" every time i walked into the lounge car. they fucking loved me. they all called me "zeppelin girl' and i was! but it worked because i worked it. so go for it. do your thing. be "that guy" if it means owning the shit out of life.
xo forever
dani
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
asking out the coffee shop cutie
AND HERE IT IS, FOLKS! the 'to be or not to be' of our modern times:
oh goodness, dear reader, you know? oh goodness, oh goodness, oh goodness. i knew this question was going to come. when i set this blog up, i just knew it was only a matter of time. IT'S THE QUESTION TO END ALL QUESTIONS!! it's the question that we've all asked ourselves, our friends and our friends' friends at least once, twice, three different times. if you live in a city, this is a guarantee. 100%. if you live in a small town, omg sorry, i don't know, probably? can't say as i've never lived in a small town before! but to me this question basically sums up the little modern world that i happen to inhabit: is that babe-monster behind the counter smiling at me because he/she is paid to and it just makes their day go faster or is it because i'm fucking special and we're meant to be? it's that we're meant to be.... right?? LIKE BECAUSE HE GAVE ME THAT DAY OLD CROISSANT FOR FREE TODAY SOOOO
why do we all do this? why are counter-cuties so damn near impossible to resist? we must remember that even though, yes, counter-cuties are real people (i think?), they are not the people we imagine them to be. i know, supes crazy, right? we straight up invent them and subscribe all this meaning to them. we turn them into exactly what we want or need. it's just so easy to!! we see them routinely, possibly even daily. they are good looking, weird, tattooed, and smiling. they tell us to have a nice day for fucks sake! they may even remember how we like our coffee or that we are allergic to milk. isn't that pretty much all we want?? isn't that basically all that we are looking for?!? HOW CAN WE NOT FALL IN LOVE???
i myself went through this with a pizza boy last year. he was/is ADORABLE and would always be super pumped when i walked in. like super pumped. he once threw up his hands and tossed napkins in the air like confetti while screaming "yayyyy!!!!" when i walked in. that's sooo pumped! we would talk, flirt, smile, laugh, all of it! do you have any idea how often i prayed that this pizza shop would somehow magically turn into a coffee shop overnight so i could realistically go in everyday? there's only so much pizza a girl can eat on the regs while still maintaining a base level of babetitude. (perfect world = unlimited pizza. real world = once every two weeks? maybe? also, related, the real world sux) once, he saw me nannying some kids in the park and asked me about it the next time i came in. i totally took this once in a lifetime opp and invited him to hang out and non-creepily play games with little boys and me. but guess what - he never came. (surprise?) i also saw him randomly out at the movies but he was with someone and i was with someone and we said 'heyy wassup' but didn't try to like, combine parties or anything. he doesn't work at the pizza shop anymore but he lives in my hood and i see him around enough. we still say hi, talk, seem really jazzed to see each other. we interact way more than it really makes sense for us to in regards to the kind of relationship we have (see: pizza seller/pizza eater). but nothing ever came of it - including my crush. it totally just died out, nbd. i actually just saw him the other night at this new restaurant he works at. he bought me a gingerale, told me about this book he's reading and asked me how my summer went. then his shift was over and we said goodbye. i went back to my friends and he went to a bar. see you later, dude.
the moral of that story is who fucking knows?! that was just my recent experience with a cutie behind the counter.
so now to you and your specifics. i hate to say this but from the examples you gave it sounds like she is probably just being super nice and sweet to you in the same way that she is probably super nice and sweet to most of her customers. you can only view her from your star-gazed, oozy love eyes. in that position it of course looks like she is smiling more at you specifically. and that's the fun of it all! that's the excitement of going in everyday! you may see her smiling at you as she takes out the trash but can't see her smiling at that other guy as she cleans the latte steamer thing and then at that other dude as she refills the splenda. why would you wanna see that crap?! your friends see it though and they told you so.
but you know what? i say fuck it, man! because look at the first sentence you wrote: "i want to ask out a girl who works at a cafe" and i say go for it. or you should at least start talking to her more, perhaps break that fourth wall between customer and counter-cutie. the best thing that can happen is that you are presented with an opportunity to ask her to non-creepily play games with little boys and you (or ummm your version of that). the other best thing that can happen is that you realize she's not who you made her out to be and there's no reason to worry anymore. because remember, as i said above, this is a girl you totally invented. i mean, she's real, like she's a human and all, but the girl you think you wanna ask out only exists in your head at the moment, okay? you don't know her for realsies yet. so just be open, get to know her more, ask her questions, smile back, be nice and kind and see where it goes. you have the right idea already. i support you in what you're already doing.
my bottom line is that i would never steer my readers into creep-zone. i just will not play that way. i worked retail before and creepy customers are THE WORST. they made me wanna puke all over life forever. my readers are awesome and will never not be awesome but we also must be realistic. when we walk into these places, these cuties are all we see. they are front and center. they are behind the counter, waiting, smiling for us. when they see us walk in, we are just like.. customer #56 of the day and once they finish with us they can go have their smoke break. i'm not saying she's def not going to be into you, she very well might be!, but just play it cool in a sweet, open and fun way. that's all. if an opportunity presents itself to ask her to take it outside the coffee shop, go for it. why not?! unless this coffee shop is more important to you than the girl - honestly. that's a real concern. if this goes poorly, you may start to feel real awks here. can you handle that?
WHAT A BUMMER of an answer. i'm sorry! i wish i could just be like OH JUST DO IT, ASK HER OUT TONIGHT AND HAVE A THOUSAND BABIES NAMED AFTER ME but honestly my advice is just to keep doing what you're doing, with maybe a bit more oomph behind it. ask her for a coffee recc or something. make up that you think you may have left a book there last time, did she see it/did someone turn it in? maybe then you can then talk about books. tell her a funny story about something that just happened on your walk over. just keep buying your coffees and being your cutie-customer self and trust that it will unfold in the "right direction." it always does. the "right direction" just may not be how you want it to go, ya dig?
do you think maybe i'm just bitter, though? i mean he threw napkins in the air LIKE CONFETTI, YOU KNOW?!?!,
danielle
I want to ask out a girl who works at a cafe. My friends say she smiles at everyone, but I think she smiles at me more. Like, across the room, while she's changing the trash bags. Another time, I was reading with headphones on, in my super-concentrated work zone, and she got into said zone simply to wave goodbye to me as she was walking out. Now, I guess this is a two part question. One, does it seem like she likes me in a special way or is she just super super polite? And two, I know asking her out at work is no good. Like, it's big pressure for me, because there's always other customers on line. And it's not very comfortable for her, because it's like she's trapped there behind the counter. Taking all the factors into consideration, the best solution I can come up with is to just let it ride and leave it up to fate or chance or whatever. But do you think there's anything I can do help nudge fate along in the right direction?
why do we all do this? why are counter-cuties so damn near impossible to resist? we must remember that even though, yes, counter-cuties are real people (i think?), they are not the people we imagine them to be. i know, supes crazy, right? we straight up invent them and subscribe all this meaning to them. we turn them into exactly what we want or need. it's just so easy to!! we see them routinely, possibly even daily. they are good looking, weird, tattooed, and smiling. they tell us to have a nice day for fucks sake! they may even remember how we like our coffee or that we are allergic to milk. isn't that pretty much all we want?? isn't that basically all that we are looking for?!? HOW CAN WE NOT FALL IN LOVE???
i myself went through this with a pizza boy last year. he was/is ADORABLE and would always be super pumped when i walked in. like super pumped. he once threw up his hands and tossed napkins in the air like confetti while screaming "yayyyy!!!!" when i walked in. that's sooo pumped! we would talk, flirt, smile, laugh, all of it! do you have any idea how often i prayed that this pizza shop would somehow magically turn into a coffee shop overnight so i could realistically go in everyday? there's only so much pizza a girl can eat on the regs while still maintaining a base level of babetitude. (perfect world = unlimited pizza. real world = once every two weeks? maybe? also, related, the real world sux) once, he saw me nannying some kids in the park and asked me about it the next time i came in. i totally took this once in a lifetime opp and invited him to hang out and non-creepily play games with little boys and me. but guess what - he never came. (surprise?) i also saw him randomly out at the movies but he was with someone and i was with someone and we said 'heyy wassup' but didn't try to like, combine parties or anything. he doesn't work at the pizza shop anymore but he lives in my hood and i see him around enough. we still say hi, talk, seem really jazzed to see each other. we interact way more than it really makes sense for us to in regards to the kind of relationship we have (see: pizza seller/pizza eater). but nothing ever came of it - including my crush. it totally just died out, nbd. i actually just saw him the other night at this new restaurant he works at. he bought me a gingerale, told me about this book he's reading and asked me how my summer went. then his shift was over and we said goodbye. i went back to my friends and he went to a bar. see you later, dude.
the moral of that story is who fucking knows?! that was just my recent experience with a cutie behind the counter.
so now to you and your specifics. i hate to say this but from the examples you gave it sounds like she is probably just being super nice and sweet to you in the same way that she is probably super nice and sweet to most of her customers. you can only view her from your star-gazed, oozy love eyes. in that position it of course looks like she is smiling more at you specifically. and that's the fun of it all! that's the excitement of going in everyday! you may see her smiling at you as she takes out the trash but can't see her smiling at that other guy as she cleans the latte steamer thing and then at that other dude as she refills the splenda. why would you wanna see that crap?! your friends see it though and they told you so.
but you know what? i say fuck it, man! because look at the first sentence you wrote: "i want to ask out a girl who works at a cafe" and i say go for it. or you should at least start talking to her more, perhaps break that fourth wall between customer and counter-cutie. the best thing that can happen is that you are presented with an opportunity to ask her to non-creepily play games with little boys and you (or ummm your version of that). the other best thing that can happen is that you realize she's not who you made her out to be and there's no reason to worry anymore. because remember, as i said above, this is a girl you totally invented. i mean, she's real, like she's a human and all, but the girl you think you wanna ask out only exists in your head at the moment, okay? you don't know her for realsies yet. so just be open, get to know her more, ask her questions, smile back, be nice and kind and see where it goes. you have the right idea already. i support you in what you're already doing.
my bottom line is that i would never steer my readers into creep-zone. i just will not play that way. i worked retail before and creepy customers are THE WORST. they made me wanna puke all over life forever. my readers are awesome and will never not be awesome but we also must be realistic. when we walk into these places, these cuties are all we see. they are front and center. they are behind the counter, waiting, smiling for us. when they see us walk in, we are just like.. customer #56 of the day and once they finish with us they can go have their smoke break. i'm not saying she's def not going to be into you, she very well might be!, but just play it cool in a sweet, open and fun way. that's all. if an opportunity presents itself to ask her to take it outside the coffee shop, go for it. why not?! unless this coffee shop is more important to you than the girl - honestly. that's a real concern. if this goes poorly, you may start to feel real awks here. can you handle that?
WHAT A BUMMER of an answer. i'm sorry! i wish i could just be like OH JUST DO IT, ASK HER OUT TONIGHT AND HAVE A THOUSAND BABIES NAMED AFTER ME but honestly my advice is just to keep doing what you're doing, with maybe a bit more oomph behind it. ask her for a coffee recc or something. make up that you think you may have left a book there last time, did she see it/did someone turn it in? maybe then you can then talk about books. tell her a funny story about something that just happened on your walk over. just keep buying your coffees and being your cutie-customer self and trust that it will unfold in the "right direction." it always does. the "right direction" just may not be how you want it to go, ya dig?
do you think maybe i'm just bitter, though? i mean he threw napkins in the air LIKE CONFETTI, YOU KNOW?!?!,
danielle
Thursday, September 22, 2011
unsolicited advice #3
so i just learned a valuable lesson and wanted to pass on my findings as quickly as possible to you, my six readers. while at first it may seem like a wildly innovative and straight up bombass idea, doing yoga moves in the shower is really only a fancy, new agey way to get water up your nose.
and so my advice is to wait for dry land.
happy friday, lovers!
and so my advice is to wait for dry land.
happy friday, lovers!
dueling schedules, a morning routine
i now have FIVE, count 'em FIVE (5), questions sitting in my inbox!! it's like, lay off people! don't you know i have a day job?!?
jk jk jk this is awesome. life rules at all times. except when dealing with the problem below, but then once i give my advice life rules again (see how that works?) let's get to it!
dear what's yr,
ok here is my problem: my husband and i keep radically different hours. i work regular business hours and he works super late. he likes to come home from work and then stay up really late googling (i assume) all night. i like to go to bed a bit earlier since i have to be up earlier. but, i always end up staying up hours later than i really should since we have fun hanging out and watching tv. this means that in the morning i always over-sleep and don't have time for a nice morning routine. ideally i would like to be getting up early enough for "me time", some writing and meditation, but i'm always too tired and rushing out the door. i try to go to bed earlier, but then my husband is bummed because i bug him about being quiet and turning off the tv so i can sleep etc., and really i want to stay up and hang out with him anyway. i guess i just need more hours in the day. the late night quality hang out time is the only time during the week we see each other and it's important to me, but it's also important to me to have a peaceful relaxed morning. thoughts?
love, anon.
hey anon! that is a totally annoying situation and i can so totally see why you would come to me with it, but can i first just say how adorable you are for oversleeping because you like to stay up late giggling with your hubby?? cutest question i've ever gotten!! (i've gotten like 8). i'll stay naive on the fact that you two are really just giggling watching tv and not going the more carnal route as this is a family-friendly column. (ha! no it's not, send me sex questions I DON'T GIVE A FUCK... but since you didn't mention sex, neither will i. or i won't mention sex again. sex sex sex. okay, i'm donesies for real now.) (sex.)
alright, i have A LOT to say on the topic. surprise! first thing i'm going to throw out is the possibility of either of you changing your hours at work. i know that sounds weird and probably even extreme but in the world today it is so commonplace for people to be able to work mobiley or be allowed to shift the hours from a 9-5 to a 10-6 or 11-7 even. or if you already work non-traditional hours, see if they can be made a bit more traditional. give or take one or two hours can totally change your game up, you know? and even if it's just a few days out of the week! that can help just as much. i just don't see it as a bad thing to ask your employers if it's possible. they say no, they say no! it's just a suggestion (WHAT I DO) and i figured that i would at least put it out there for you to sit with.
if it's not possible, or not desired to do so, let's bring ourselves back into your home and figure out what we can do there to accommodate both the late night fun times and your preferred early morning routine. i was thinking i would recommend a sort of late-night-early-night schedule but i honestly don't think that will work. our lives are big and exciting, right? things happen, things change. you don't want to be like, omg but TONIGHT IS TUESDAY, let's stop having a blast watching old episodes of LOST and playing UNO (my dream night) because it's scheduled that we go to sleep at 10:45pm. or on the flip side, you're passing out exhausted and your husband is like, BUT WIFE, IT'S THURSDAY. GET OUT OF YOUR SLUMBER AND WATCH ME PLAY XBOX. i can just see that not working, causing stress and resentment.
so the only thing i am going to say about how to handle the nights is for you to stand up for your sleep-time more and for your husband to follow your lead and start respecting your need for quiet in this time! we teach people how to treat us. if you start taking your sleep-time seriously, he should follow. if you respect your sleep-time, he should get in line. in this process, you don't have to be mean or angry, just firm. "i need to go to sleep now, please respect. thank you. i love you soo much."
if he doesn't, well, write me again because that's a problem.
also, get a sleepmask if you don't already have one. when i was living with an ex-lover (haha) he would stay up forever googling too (haha x2) and since we lived in a one-bedroom and there was no other room for him to go to, the sleepmask was my savior. i am, however, a super deep sleeper and once i'm out, i'm out. you may not be as awesome as me (haha x3) but i still recommend a sleepmask. it's like a straight up sleepcave in that mofo.
the rest of my response will be about your morning routine because, trust, i know the importance of it. i myself have one that i try to follow as closely as possible. i like to wake up, drink coffee, fall into an internet black-hole, then rush out the door wearing dirty clothes and forgetting to brush my hair. ah, i kid. i like to do the things you mentioned too, like reading, writing, perhaps some meditation. i also trytrytry to make sure i eat a good breakfast. it's true what they say about that shit! but you know what, sometimes i do it all, sometimes i don't do any of it, but i always try to just give myself TIME. just the time to sit staring at the wall in the morning if that's all i can do is crucial to me. there is nothing i hate more than rushing out the door. (i def hate things more like institutionalized racism and sexism but you get it.)
but there is good news!! i think the scientific jury is still out on this, but from my experience morning minutes last longer than regular day and night minutes. weird, right? just another 15/20 mins in the morning can RADICALLY change your shit up. it's magic how long the minutes can last in the morn. those 15 minutes can allow you to write for 10 and meditate for 5. or they can help you drink a coffee, eat some almonds and put mascara on. whatever they do, they help immensely. strive to add just 15, possibly 20 minutes to your morning and you will be rewarded handsomely.
another thing i want to mention is the notion of 'starting your day over at anytime.' maybe you've heard of this before. it's the idea that no matter how you started your day, you can hit re-set and start again. some days when i can't seem to do more in the morning than check facebook and cry, i find that i can sit at 11am and write. i can meditate at 12:30 for ten minutes, or stretch and read for a little at 1pm. yes, a relaxed, self-care filled morning routine is important and in an ideal world we'd each have all the time in the world to do what we wanted to do (and the willingness to follow through) but until we get there, we must find the time when and where we can to take care of ourselves in the ways that matter most to us. so you don't do it all right when you wake up, so what? do it later in the day. it still counts and still helps! these actions don't lose their power after 9am.
you got this! stand up for and respect your sleep sched, add 15 minutes to your morning, and don't discount the notion of self-care lasting all day whenever you can get it. have fun giggling with your husband! oh yeah, and a sleepmask. get that shit like asaps.
eat, pray, sleep,
danielle
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
convincing a partner
and the hits just keep on comin!!!! are ya'll ready for some AD-VIIIICEEEE??
Dear Danielle,
I really, really, really want this fabulous BlueStar cooktop and oven.
I know it costs $4000, but at least it’s cheaper than a Chanel bag, right?
The problem is, how do I convince my partner that it’s something we really need for the apartment we are currently renting?
She wants to wait til we BUY a house, which will be NEVER because I don’t believe in owning real estate.
Help me, Obi Wan, you’re my only hope.
In need of 22,000 BTUs,
The Bear
I really, really, really want this fabulous BlueStar cooktop and oven.
I know it costs $4000, but at least it’s cheaper than a Chanel bag, right?
The problem is, how do I convince my partner that it’s something we really need for the apartment we are currently renting?
She wants to wait til we BUY a house, which will be NEVER because I don’t believe in owning real estate.
Help me, Obi Wan, you’re my only hope.
In need of 22,000 BTUs,
The Bear
hiiii, the bear!! i like your name, but wow. this one is intense! you probably didn't realize just how intense it was when you sent it my way but it opens up so many pandora's boxes behind so many hidden doors behind so many fake bookshelves that i am having a hard time grasping where to start and what to touch.
ok, firstly, i will not touch the money issue! (i will say that 'firstly' is an awesome word, though! like, where did that come from, you know?! i usually just go for the standard 'first things first' but now my whole world may have been changed?! life is so exciting.) $4,000 is like, the weirdest fucking amount ever because it can mean so much for some people and not so much for others. i gather that it is not the craziest amount to you guys as your partner's issues are not about the price per se, but more about when to buy.. so let's forget about the money and move on to this when-to-buy biznass.
but oh shit, the when-to-buy issue is a hidden door!! like it's the most hiddenest door in the darkest hallway of the most abandoned house. so your partner wants to wait for a house that she will never get? i imagine this was discussed before. probably multiple times. i'm sorry but this feels a bit red-flaggish to me! it's like someone telling their partner they never want kids but partner #1 doesn't believe them and thinks that they can just wait it out until partner #2 changes their mind. like all of a sudden one day partner #2 is going to look at those drooling balls of flesh and organs and think, "you know what? i was wrong! i totally do want that to come out of my vagina!" that's not good and also not likely! is this real estate really a dead end for you? if so, does your partner really know this? to me this screams out as the bigger issue than when to get the stove, but who knows - i'm just a registered advice columnist (still, somehow, not a real thing).
your question, though, is about convincing your partner to buy now and i'm here to help, AS I DO. as it seems like you ladies decided that this is something you both do want eventually, it's just all about when's the best time so it's not like you have to sit and tell her how awesome the oven is, how many amazing meals y'all can whip up together on it and so forth. my advice is to have another conversation and offer her the Compromise That Cannot Be Denied! say that if you can get the stove now, you will give up/let her/change/do ______________. think hard about what this means for you and your partner specifically. make it something that up until now you would never even think of giving up on. something that when your partner hears it, she's all like "oh shit... really???" make her take you seriously! fucking go for the gold of compromise. if you "need" the stove like you say, dig deep!!
maybe it's something simple like the remote. let your partner decide what to watch for the next six months, year, whatever. or it's the dishes, or the laundry, or walking the dog, or letting her parents stay over, or going here or there for vacation like she wants, or it's giving up closet space....
maybe it's something simple like the remote. let your partner decide what to watch for the next six months, year, whatever. or it's the dishes, or the laundry, or walking the dog, or letting her parents stay over, or going here or there for vacation like she wants, or it's giving up closet space....
or maybe it's the the mother of all compromises! you know what this is... you must! maybe if you get your stove now, she gets her house later? are you willing?
also, will you cook for me if this works?
feed my tummy,
danielle
when dreams turn into nightmares
CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP. here we go!!!
Hey What's yr Problem,
I'm a man from your past, who you may or may not remember- who needs advice with the quicknesssss.
Ok so, like everyone's always telling you to "follow your dreams," and shit like that, but when you do you totally end up broke and feeling dumb, because let's face it- becoming a Flamenco Guitar playing phenom with like 30 Basque chicks dripping all over me and unleashing an endless barrage of Spanish wine and African hash is just not in the cards at this point in my life- I'm not saying that's my dream, cause it's obvs not, but like- All I'm getting at is, dreams are hungry vampiric beasts that pray on you in the night, while you're sleeping, and people need to know..
Right? I mean what do you say?
I'm a man from your past, who you may or may not remember- who needs advice with the quicknesssss.
Ok so, like everyone's always telling you to "follow your dreams," and shit like that, but when you do you totally end up broke and feeling dumb, because let's face it- becoming a Flamenco Guitar playing phenom with like 30 Basque chicks dripping all over me and unleashing an endless barrage of Spanish wine and African hash is just not in the cards at this point in my life- I'm not saying that's my dream, cause it's obvs not, but like- All I'm getting at is, dreams are hungry vampiric beasts that pray on you in the night, while you're sleeping, and people need to know..
Right? I mean what do you say?
Sincerely,
Anonymous Man From the Past Who Followed his Dreams To The End of the Earth, and Is All Like, NOW WHAT
the way i can help i think is to just offer out the idea of redefining what following/living your dreams are. for me, it's an inside job (9/11 joke). it's about how i'm feeling, how i'm reacting (or better yet, responding) to the world around me, it's about how comfortable i am when i just sit by myself, how clean my soul is in a way. did i ask people how they were today and really listen to their response? did i show up when i said i would and was i useful when i was there? did i admit when i was wrong? was i able to let go of trying to control and manipulate the world to fit my needs? am i grateful for all the gifts i currently have in my life?
once i'm in check with these things, all external things usually fall into place. or external things totally don't fall into place, but i'm still okay and trust that if i keep doing the right actions, at some point the external will follow. or the external will never fall into place, but i'm STILL OKAY. it's just about loving where you're at regardless of where it is because you love yourself and you're content.
my goals in life are basically to be content and useful. that means that wherever i end up, as high up the ladder or as low, as big or as small as my life may be in the scheme of things, i am content with myself and i am a useful and active participant with a purpose. this purpose, and what i mean by useful, is as literal as like, making coffee for friends, helping someone with their groceries, making calls for my grandpa to possibly go into a retirement home (so sad and true), whatever. just showing up and being there to help. just doing what needs to be done. it takes your ego out of the game while at the same time raising your self-esteem. it's one of those tricky tricks that trick the trick trick.
always say thank you for what you have. if you live in the positive, you will simply see more of it. when you're in the thick of 'what the fuck does it mean?? why does my life suck? whats the point??" i suggest making a list of at least 5 things that you are grateful for. refocus, man. you're doing okay! you've had awesome life experience. say thank you for that! appreciate it!
in fact, be thankful for the funk, too! through pain comes growth, right? without dark, there is no light, without fear, there is no courage. trust that you will pick something up in this time that will help you later on. or that you will pick something up in this time that will help someone else later on - that's the trick! (another tricky trick trick) sharing your experiences and being able to help others with those experiences is an amazing and simple way to give value and purpose to even the darkest times of our lives.
also, i have a friend who made her goal to just have as much singing and dancing in her life as reasonably possible. so she just sings and dances as much as possible. just going to karaoke or dancing in her room counts, and she feels productive and awesome each time. so set some goal like that. something to get you out of your funk a little and back on the happiness track. (basically, set a more achievable dream. UGH I'M THE WORST)
living realistic dreams for life,
danielle
Monday, September 19, 2011
haircuts and assignment anxiety
oh shit. as predicted i am becoming ridiculously overwhelmed with e-mails at this point. i now have 2!!
what
the
fuck!
is this thing real now? is this real life? do you know how exciting this is for me?! the best part is that in one of the e-mails, i received TWO QUESTIONS. that's right! one e-mail, two questions! this shit is just bananas.
let's get right to it!
Question #1:
Should I cut my hair, or be patient? I'm trying to grow it out, but godhelpme I want to bypass this awkward phase and get straight to the ponytail of my dreams.
ohh sup hey girl! you are straight speaking my language. i have lived literally 97% of my life in the awkward-hair-phase-zone. and yes, it is a real place. it exists right next to those jeans two sizes too small but GODDAMMIT WILL FIT ONE DAY and the ability to get a manicure and not fuck it up within twenty minutes.
my personal course of action is to usually say screw it and cut it. oops! my hair is thick and a lot to handle. i've only managed to grow my hair out past my shoulders once and then as soon as i hit some intense emotional fork in the road, i turned all debra-from-empire-records and cut it all off like it didn't just take four years of my life to get there. i'm pretty sure i was listening to 90s alt at the time but there wasn't anyone sassy to yell 'well sinead o'rebellion' at me so overall it sucked.
however i have to tell you no! no no no! do not cut it off. you obviously want that ponytail and you should have it! ponytails are amaaazing. they get the hair off your neck and they bounce and sway. (i think that's what heaven is?) you have not described what your dream ponytail is in your e-mail, but you needn't have to. i can see it clearly with my heart. it is a thing of beauty and it should be yours.
your question is really about how to handle this phase and luckily i do have some tips and suggestions on the matter! (see above re: 97% of my life). first things first though, before we get to the fun styling portion, the most important thing you need to do is to practice some acceptance. you are growing out your hair and it sucks! it's okay that it sucks! accept the suck, you know? once you truly, fully, thoroughly accept this fact you will be able to have some level of fun with your hair at all lengths!
now the styling part: don't be afraid to get it shaped at a salon (or by a trusty friend)! i know that the act of cutting your hair when growing it seems to go against what you're trying to accomplish but really, for your sanity, it's so okay to add a layer here, an angle there. you'll still get there in time and you won't be hating it every step of the way. especially if you're at the breaking point where you might just cut it all off anyway, go a bit subtler and keep your eyes on the prize.
also, make bobbypins your besties. try braiding or twisting or a new way to part and style. spend some quality time in front of the mirror every few weeks to figure out the best way to go for that time period. each month is a whole new ballgame and you will probably need to readjust your strategy. look at magazines for inspiration. if you now have shoulder-length hair, or right below the chin, or wherever, whatever, look for models with that length. even if it's far away from your goal, there's something cute out there for you to be inspired by. be grateful for the fact that fall is right around the corner and that hats, oh glorious hats, will soon enter our fashion scene once again.
also, play with other fun things like eyeliner or lipstick. make yourself feel externally awesome in some other way when your hair gets teen-angsty. a little cat-eye has never steered anyone wrong, no matter how many bobbypins they had in their hair.
you're beautiful,
danielle
AND NOW ONTO:
Question #2:
How can I stop freaking out when I have an assignment? When it's a job I'm really excited about I tend to worry and procrastinate even MORE than usual! This leads to getting up at 5am to complete things, only to ask for an extension.
my first instinct here was to tell you to do all the typical things that i'm sure you do already: make lists, break it down, set an achievable schedule, color code everything.. whatever those productivity blogs i don't read tell us to do. and i love me a list and a color code. omg, i love me a list and a color code hardcore, but i'm going to take this in a different direction and try to blow this thing right out of the damn water.
now, if when you received these assignments i was to ask you, "what's the worst thing that can happen here?" i think the following are possible answers: 1) you cannot complete the task entirely 2) you complete the task and it sucks 3) you weren't able to complete the task in the time given and need to ask for an extension.
oh snap, guess what! #3 is already happening! you are already asking for an extension. you're already in the worst-thing-that-can-happen territory! did you realize you were here? did you see that you were in the spot that you did not want to be in - the spot that probably caused or at least contributed to the anxiety in the first place?
but i must ask - since you are already here, in that asking-for-an-extension-place, and are now open eyed and aware that you are here, NOW what's the worst thing that can happen?? you're already in the spot you don't want to be in so it just doesn't make sense to fear it! accept it and gain strength from it! it's like you have the opportunity to look the devil in the eyes, say "you ain't shit!" and keep walking.
break the denial and walk through the fear, even if you fake it til you make it. you're afraid you're not going to finish or afraid you are not going to finish it well - trust that you will be okay, regardless of what happens with this assignment. you're proving that you are okay because you're asking for extensions but keep getting assignments! put these tasks in their proper place - take them off this intimidating pedestal and be loving and patient with yourself. you are human and you are going to have a reaction to work and responsibility. we all do. it's okay. allow yourself 20 minutes to freak out and then get on with it. once you're able to see that there is nothing to truly fear, no matter what happens, you will be able to handle the work with more grace than you could have ever imagined!
next assignment you get look at it with fresh eyes. take a deep breath and tell it that you're not afraid of it and that you are going to straight dominate the f outta it. then straight dominate the f outta it.
to the top!,
danielle
what
the
fuck!
is this thing real now? is this real life? do you know how exciting this is for me?! the best part is that in one of the e-mails, i received TWO QUESTIONS. that's right! one e-mail, two questions! this shit is just bananas.
let's get right to it!
Question #1:
Should I cut my hair, or be patient? I'm trying to grow it out, but godhelpme I want to bypass this awkward phase and get straight to the ponytail of my dreams.
ohh sup hey girl! you are straight speaking my language. i have lived literally 97% of my life in the awkward-hair-phase-zone. and yes, it is a real place. it exists right next to those jeans two sizes too small but GODDAMMIT WILL FIT ONE DAY and the ability to get a manicure and not fuck it up within twenty minutes.
my personal course of action is to usually say screw it and cut it. oops! my hair is thick and a lot to handle. i've only managed to grow my hair out past my shoulders once and then as soon as i hit some intense emotional fork in the road, i turned all debra-from-empire-records and cut it all off like it didn't just take four years of my life to get there. i'm pretty sure i was listening to 90s alt at the time but there wasn't anyone sassy to yell 'well sinead o'rebellion' at me so overall it sucked.
however i have to tell you no! no no no! do not cut it off. you obviously want that ponytail and you should have it! ponytails are amaaazing. they get the hair off your neck and they bounce and sway. (i think that's what heaven is?) you have not described what your dream ponytail is in your e-mail, but you needn't have to. i can see it clearly with my heart. it is a thing of beauty and it should be yours.
your question is really about how to handle this phase and luckily i do have some tips and suggestions on the matter! (see above re: 97% of my life). first things first though, before we get to the fun styling portion, the most important thing you need to do is to practice some acceptance. you are growing out your hair and it sucks! it's okay that it sucks! accept the suck, you know? once you truly, fully, thoroughly accept this fact you will be able to have some level of fun with your hair at all lengths!
now the styling part: don't be afraid to get it shaped at a salon (or by a trusty friend)! i know that the act of cutting your hair when growing it seems to go against what you're trying to accomplish but really, for your sanity, it's so okay to add a layer here, an angle there. you'll still get there in time and you won't be hating it every step of the way. especially if you're at the breaking point where you might just cut it all off anyway, go a bit subtler and keep your eyes on the prize.
also, make bobbypins your besties. try braiding or twisting or a new way to part and style. spend some quality time in front of the mirror every few weeks to figure out the best way to go for that time period. each month is a whole new ballgame and you will probably need to readjust your strategy. look at magazines for inspiration. if you now have shoulder-length hair, or right below the chin, or wherever, whatever, look for models with that length. even if it's far away from your goal, there's something cute out there for you to be inspired by. be grateful for the fact that fall is right around the corner and that hats, oh glorious hats, will soon enter our fashion scene once again.
also, play with other fun things like eyeliner or lipstick. make yourself feel externally awesome in some other way when your hair gets teen-angsty. a little cat-eye has never steered anyone wrong, no matter how many bobbypins they had in their hair.
you're beautiful,
danielle
AND NOW ONTO:
Question #2:
How can I stop freaking out when I have an assignment? When it's a job I'm really excited about I tend to worry and procrastinate even MORE than usual! This leads to getting up at 5am to complete things, only to ask for an extension.
my first instinct here was to tell you to do all the typical things that i'm sure you do already: make lists, break it down, set an achievable schedule, color code everything.. whatever those productivity blogs i don't read tell us to do. and i love me a list and a color code. omg, i love me a list and a color code hardcore, but i'm going to take this in a different direction and try to blow this thing right out of the damn water.
now, if when you received these assignments i was to ask you, "what's the worst thing that can happen here?" i think the following are possible answers: 1) you cannot complete the task entirely 2) you complete the task and it sucks 3) you weren't able to complete the task in the time given and need to ask for an extension.
oh snap, guess what! #3 is already happening! you are already asking for an extension. you're already in the worst-thing-that-can-happen territory! did you realize you were here? did you see that you were in the spot that you did not want to be in - the spot that probably caused or at least contributed to the anxiety in the first place?
but i must ask - since you are already here, in that asking-for-an-extension-place, and are now open eyed and aware that you are here, NOW what's the worst thing that can happen?? you're already in the spot you don't want to be in so it just doesn't make sense to fear it! accept it and gain strength from it! it's like you have the opportunity to look the devil in the eyes, say "you ain't shit!" and keep walking.
break the denial and walk through the fear, even if you fake it til you make it. you're afraid you're not going to finish or afraid you are not going to finish it well - trust that you will be okay, regardless of what happens with this assignment. you're proving that you are okay because you're asking for extensions but keep getting assignments! put these tasks in their proper place - take them off this intimidating pedestal and be loving and patient with yourself. you are human and you are going to have a reaction to work and responsibility. we all do. it's okay. allow yourself 20 minutes to freak out and then get on with it. once you're able to see that there is nothing to truly fear, no matter what happens, you will be able to handle the work with more grace than you could have ever imagined!
next assignment you get look at it with fresh eyes. take a deep breath and tell it that you're not afraid of it and that you are going to straight dominate the f outta it. then straight dominate the f outta it.
to the top!,
danielle
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