asking out the coffee shop cutie

AND HERE IT IS, FOLKS! the 'to be or not to be' of our modern times:

I want to ask out a girl who works at a cafe. My friends say she smiles at everyone, but I think she smiles at me more. Like, across the room, while she's changing the trash bags. Another time, I was reading with headphones on, in my super-concentrated work zone, and she got into said zone simply to wave goodbye to me as she was walking out. Now, I guess this is a two part question. One, does it seem like she likes me in a special way or is she just super super polite? And two, I know asking her out at work is no good. Like, it's big pressure for me, because there's always other customers on line. And it's not very comfortable for her, because it's like she's trapped there behind the counter. Taking all the factors into consideration, the best solution I can come up with is to just let it ride and leave it up to fate or chance or whatever. But do you think there's anything I can do help nudge fate along in the right direction?

oh goodness, dear reader, you know? oh goodness, oh goodness, oh goodness. i knew this question was going to come. when i set this blog up, i just knew it was only a matter of time. IT'S THE QUESTION TO END ALL QUESTIONS!! it's the question that we've all asked ourselves, our friends and our friends' friends at least once, twice, three different times. if you live in a city, this is a guarantee. 100%. if you live in a small town, omg sorry, i don't know, probably? can't say as i've never lived in a small town before! but to me this question basically sums up the little modern world that i happen to inhabit: is that babe-monster behind the counter smiling at me because he/she is paid to and it just makes their day go faster or is it because i'm fucking special and we're meant to be? it's that we're meant to be.... right?? LIKE BECAUSE HE GAVE ME THAT DAY OLD CROISSANT FOR FREE TODAY SOOOO

why do we all do this? why are counter-cuties so damn near impossible to resist? we must remember that even though, yes, counter-cuties are real people (i think?), they are not the people we imagine them to be. i know, supes crazy, right? we straight up invent them and subscribe all this meaning to them. we turn them into exactly what we want or need. it's just so easy to!! we see them routinely, possibly even daily. they are good looking, weird, tattooed, and smiling. they tell us to have a nice day for fucks sake! they may even remember how we like our coffee or that we are allergic to milk. isn't that pretty much all we want?? isn't that basically all that we are looking for?!? HOW CAN WE NOT FALL IN LOVE???

i myself went through this with a pizza boy last year. he was/is ADORABLE and would always be super pumped when i walked in. like super pumped. he once threw up his hands and tossed napkins in the air like confetti while screaming "yayyyy!!!!" when i walked in. that's sooo pumped! we would talk, flirt, smile, laugh, all of it! do you have any idea how often i prayed that this pizza shop would somehow magically turn into a coffee shop overnight so i could realistically go in everyday? there's only so much pizza a girl can eat on the regs while still maintaining a base level of babetitude. (perfect world = unlimited pizza. real world = once every two weeks? maybe? also, related, the real world sux) once, he saw me nannying some kids in the park and asked me about it the next time i came in. i totally took this once in a lifetime opp and invited him to hang out and non-creepily play games with little boys and me. but guess what - he never came. (surprise?) i also saw him randomly out at the movies but he was with someone and i was with someone and we said 'heyy wassup' but didn't try to like, combine parties or anything. he doesn't work at the pizza shop anymore but he lives in my hood and i see him around enough. we still say hi, talk, seem really jazzed to see each other. we interact way more than it really makes sense for us to in regards to the kind of relationship we have (see: pizza seller/pizza eater). but nothing ever came of it - including my crush. it totally just died out, nbd. i actually just saw him the other night at this new restaurant he works at. he bought me a gingerale, told me about this book he's reading and asked me how my summer went. then his shift was over and we said goodbye. i went back to my friends and he went to a bar. see you later, dude.

the moral of that story is who fucking knows?! that was just my recent experience with a cutie behind the counter. 

so now to you and your specifics. i hate to say this but from the examples you gave it sounds like she is probably just being super nice and sweet to you in the same way that she is probably super nice and sweet to most of her customers. you can only view her from your star-gazed, oozy love eyes. in that position it of course looks like she is smiling more at you specifically. and that's the fun of it all! that's the excitement of going in everyday! you may see her smiling at you as she takes out the trash but can't see her smiling at that other guy as she cleans the latte steamer thing and then at that other dude as she refills the splenda. why would you wanna see that crap?! your friends see it though and they told you so. 

but you know what? i say fuck it, man! because look at the first sentence you wrote: "i want to ask out a girl who works at a cafe" and i say go for it. or you should at least start talking to her more, perhaps break that fourth wall between customer and counter-cutie. the best thing that can happen is that you are presented with an opportunity to ask her to non-creepily play games with little boys and you (or ummm your version of that). the other best thing that can happen is that you realize she's not who you made her out to be and there's no reason to worry anymore. because remember, as i said above, this is a girl you totally invented. i mean, she's real, like she's a human and all, but the girl you think you wanna ask out only exists in your head at the moment, okay? you don't know her for realsies yet. so just be open, get to know her more, ask her questions, smile back, be nice and kind and see where it goes. you have the right idea already. i support you in what you're already doing.

my bottom line is that i would never steer my readers into creep-zone. i just will not play that way. i worked retail before and creepy customers are THE WORST.  they made me wanna puke all over life forever. my readers are awesome and will never not be awesome but we also must be realistic. when we walk into these places, these cuties are all we see. they are front and center. they are behind the counter, waiting, smiling for us. when they see us walk in, we are just like.. customer #56 of the day and once they finish with us they can go have their smoke break. i'm not saying she's def not going to be into you, she very well might be!, but just play it cool in a sweet, open and fun way. that's all. if an opportunity presents itself to ask her to take it outside the coffee shop, go for it. why not?! unless this coffee shop is more important to you than the girl - honestly. that's a real concern. if this goes poorly, you may start to feel real awks here. can you handle that?

WHAT A BUMMER of an answer. i'm sorry! i wish i could just be like OH JUST DO IT, ASK HER OUT TONIGHT AND HAVE A THOUSAND BABIES NAMED AFTER ME but honestly my advice is just to keep doing what you're doing, with maybe a bit more oomph behind it. ask her for a coffee recc or something. make up that you think you may have left a book there last time, did she see it/did someone turn it in? maybe then you can then talk about books. tell her a funny story about something that just happened on your walk over. just keep buying your coffees and being your cutie-customer self and trust that it will unfold in the "right direction." it always does. the "right direction" just may not be how you want it to go, ya dig?


do you think maybe i'm just bitter, though? i mean he threw napkins in the air LIKE CONFETTI, YOU KNOW?!?!,
danielle