going lesbian at 31

i am so excited over this one question that i have to scream YES YES YES YES YES DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH before i even post it. just imagine me in a flowy dress, rooftoppin it, arms up, hair whippin around, all like YES YES YES YES YES DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH into the cold city air. imagine me winning an oscar for my total dedication to the moment and then me kissing my lover (gosling probs? or maybe JGL? is there a new hottie i'm forgetting?) as i go up to accept my award. i get a standing ovation and also win best dressed because that's how clear the answer is to me, you know? i just don't think that there is any other way to answer this?! (i mean, unless you're a homophobe and then heyyooo, haters to the left) 

okay. here it is:

from anonymous gemini chick (LOLz):

i don't know if it is a problem, but maybe a conundrum and your thoughts would be most welcomed...

so i am 31 and well, i would say that i don't really have a type in reference to my romantic inclinations. all of my sig oths have been very different and bar a couple of flings, all boys.

however i have recently met a girl (a lesbian, let it be noted. not hitting head off brick wall here...as yet) that i am actually crushing harder on than any boy i have met in the recent past.

 so i guess i am looking for a bit of bi-solidarity here... it is ok to want to pursue my first relationship with a girl at 31 when most people are thinking of sheding anything off the beaten path and going on the road more traveled and getting orthodox with their lives, right?!

Also, for a little clarity- guys like the chase girls, do all of these rules apply for girls chasing girls? can i just be upfront and say hey- let's go out on a date? and let the cards fall where they may?

Dish the tips.

xx

so let me repeat myself. YES YES YES YES YES DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH. of course i recommend going for it!! and yes, i will back you up in pursuing your first girl love relay. and pahlease, 31 is so young! don't you play that age card. if this question came in from a 41, or 61, or 71 or 81 year old my answer would still be an emphatic YES YES YES YES YES DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH. (ok i think at this point i just like typing that out. like a typing meditation. new concept? and oh look at that.. COPYRIGHTED) this is the life we got! the only one! do it do it do it! this is such an explosive you'd-totally-regret-not-goin-for-it move, you know? (note: most things actually are but this one is def of the epic variety).

but i get it, there's this societal pressure. there's always this pressure. we all feel it. it exists in the ether making us doubtful, fearful, ashamed or probs all three. no one is immune to this, not even your trusty advice columnist! you see, for the past two years i've worked with kids nannying, babysitting and preschool subbing as my day job. i totally fucking love it. the kids are awesome, the parents i work with rule and i get paid pretty well. my days are spent in playgrounds and parks. i build lego sets, play board games and draw pictures of aliens. i get to hug and kiss the sweetest little faces and be told that i am their best friend in the cutest voices ever you just want to JUMP OUT A FUCKING WINDOW.  but no matter how much i love it, there is that damn voice telling me that this is wrong, that i should be doing more, i'm 28 for christ's sake, i went to college, dammit!! this is that societal pressure voice just running his mouth being a dick. this is what that voice does. it is made to be the dickness.

i worked in advertising for almost four years before nannying. it was a 'real job' that used my 'college degree' and guess what, i hated it hated it hated it. i hated waking up in the morn, was so stressed and sad all the time and would cry at my desk whenever e-mails would come in. (i was an exec assistant - emails always came in). that's the beaten path right there. thank god it took me only four years to know that the beaten path is ugly and muddy and i don't want to walk it not in these shoes. that doesn't mean the societal pressure voice doesn't still pop up and spew his dickness all over my parade, but now i just let him talk, say "thank you for your input, dick :P" and then kindly remind myself how happy i am waking up in the mornings now and how when i walk into work i am greeted by cute little dudes giving me hugs (not creepy don't arrest me), not an angry boss yelling about some bs i could honestly give two shits about.

so that was a long and probably unnecessary ramble to basically say YES YES YES YES YES DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH. also, probably boring to the people who came here wanting me to just talk about leeeeeeeesssssssbbbbiaaaans. y'all got tricked, suckasz. 

(lemme also say that the 'beaten path' does work for some! there ain't nothing wrong with going the road mostly traveled if it's the road you want to go! it's the pressure to conform and the guilt associated with not going down that road that i'm all like oh hell no to, but y'all knew this)

now, re: pursuing her. god, you're getting me at a point in my life, you know? i'm just so over any sort of games and that applies to straight, bi, gay, whatever and regardless, i honestly don't really think it matters all too much anyway. i read somewhere once that all good relationships start out either really easy and almost carelessly or they start haphazardly with a lot of twists and turns which you then look back on and re-frame as charming. so just do the 'follow your heart' thing. be honest and ballsy and own it! it's a better way to live in general than being sly, sneaky and manipulative, yeah? if it doesn't work out, at least you were true to you. i know that seems like a shitty, new agey, blahblah consolation prize but it's one of those weird things where in fact it is the MOST AWESOME PRIZE that doubles and triples and quadruples in self-esteem size that it's not even consolation anymore but a real deal first rate thing, you know??

another thing about dating - just know that the only thing that is needed is that elusive mix of chemistry and timing. we all know chemistry. it's that thing that exists outside of people, in between them, almost like a third entity in the room. you can't fake it (or i have no idea why anyone would want to..) it's there or it's not and you have no control over whether it is. if it is there then you just gotta see if the timing is, too. if you're both looking for the same thing at the same time or are willing to eff around for a little before you are. that's out of your control, too! omg, fuck! so with those two big dealies out of your control, what can you do? well, for starters, yes - you can totally ask her out on a date and let those chips fall! let them rain down! how it progresses afterwards is for the universe, you know?, but you can def get the ball rolling. go for it! you got this! go lesbian at 31! i love you! lemme know how it goes?!

bringing people together since a week ago,

danielle