convincing a partner

and the hits just keep on comin!!!! are ya'll ready for some AD-VIIIICEEEE?? 

Dear Danielle,
I really, really, really want this fabulous BlueStar cooktop and oven.
I know it costs $4000, but at least it’s cheaper than a Chanel bag, right?
The problem is, how do I convince my partner that it’s something we really need for the apartment we are currently renting?
She wants to wait til we BUY a house, which will be NEVER because I don’t believe in owning real estate.
Help me, Obi Wan, you’re my only hope.

In need of 22,000 BTUs, 
The Bear

hiiii, the bear!! i like your name, but wow. this one is intense! you probably didn't realize just how intense it was when you sent it my way but it opens up so many pandora's boxes behind so many hidden doors behind so many fake bookshelves that i am having a hard time grasping where to start and what to touch.

ok, firstly, i will not touch the money issue! (i will say that 'firstly' is an awesome word, though! like, where did that come from, you know?! i usually just go for the standard 'first things first' but now my whole world may have been changed?! life is so exciting.) $4,000 is like, the weirdest fucking amount ever because it can mean so much for some people and not so much for others. i gather that it is not the craziest amount to you guys as your partner's issues are not about the price per se, but more about when to buy.. so let's forget about the money and move on to this when-to-buy biznass.

but oh shit, the when-to-buy issue is a hidden door!! like it's the most hiddenest door in the darkest hallway of the most abandoned house. so your partner wants to wait for a house that she will never get? i imagine this was discussed before. probably multiple times. i'm sorry but this feels a bit red-flaggish to me! it's like someone telling their partner they never want kids but partner #1 doesn't believe them and thinks that they can just wait it out until partner #2 changes their mind. like all of a sudden one day partner #2 is going to look at those drooling balls of flesh and organs and think, "you know what? i was wrong! i totally do want that to come out of my vagina!" that's not good and also not likely! is this real estate really a dead end for you? if so, does your partner really know this? to me this screams out as the bigger issue than when to get the stove, but who knows - i'm just a registered advice columnist (still, somehow, not a real thing).

your question, though, is about convincing your partner to buy now and i'm here to help, AS I DO. as it seems like you ladies decided that this is something you both do want eventually, it's just all about when's the best time so it's not like you have to sit and tell her how awesome the oven is, how many amazing meals y'all can whip up together on it and so forth. my advice is to have another conversation and offer her the Compromise That Cannot Be Denied! say that if you can get the stove now, you will give up/let her/change/do ______________.  think hard about what this means for you and your partner specifically. make it something that up until now you would never even think of giving up on. something that when your partner hears it, she's all like "oh shit... really???" make her take you seriously! fucking go for the gold of compromise. if you "need" the stove like you say, dig deep!! 

maybe it's something simple like the remote. let your partner decide what to watch for the next six months, year, whatever. or it's the dishes, or the laundry, or walking the dog, or letting her parents stay over, or going here or there for vacation like she wants, or it's giving up closet space....

or maybe it's the the mother of all compromises! you know what this is... you must! maybe if you get your stove now, she gets her house later? are you willing?

also, will you cook for me if this works?

feed my tummy,

danielle